Stop Being So Angry!!!!


I took a trip a few weeks ago to Puerto Rico....(yes hence the bikini blog). I was sitting tucked neatly  in my window seat looking out at the men beneath loading luggage and airplane food, when a very loud woman came down the aisle.  She was obviously upset and was talking loudly so everyone could not help but hear her complaints, looking in her mid-twenties.  An over sized suitcase was bouncing angrily behind her while she waved her free arm in dramatic gestures.  "I will never fly on Delta again...she ranted to her friend only seconds behind her.  They told me I have to check my bag...which I am not going to do...they made me take a shuttle to get to my gate and then they made me walk down a ramp."  She was obviously put out.  I strained my neck past the extra large passenger wedged beside me to get a better look.   Was she serious?  Could this creature from the" I am the Center of the Universe Planet" waving her long bright fingernails in angry gestures be...... serious?  When did we all get so self-centered and feel like we have rights to everything?  That the world turns on our every whim and if it does not... it better..... or we will find a lawyer who agrees with us
 ( or at least agrees to making money on it) and will sue anyone who feels differently. I cringed and still do.  Have we fallen into such a state of "Have it my way", that we cannot be human anymore.  Sometimes when I am driving I see little angry faces in cars daring me to butt in or make a wrong move... ready to sound the "I was inconvenienced alarm" by honking their horn. Last month, I pulled into a gas station but did not pull forward enough.  The man behind me went ballistic.  It was an honest error which I apologized for, profusely.  He gave a horrible gesture and threats and squealed off.  Really?  This is the greatest country that has ever been on the planet .....ever!!  And I mean ever.  I love America.  I love the freedom we have, the industry of a bright intelligent people, and the freedom we have...(did I already mention freedom).  So I ask again REALLY?  Have we been so bamboozled into believing that we are the only thing that matters in life. Have we been sucked into the "ME" generation so far we cannot see the "Find a Lawyer and Sue them for anything Monsters" we have become. When did courtesy become an 4 letter word? (Because I counted and it is still an 8 letter word.)  When did Love become a 4 letter word. (Now that one is actually a 4 letter word but I digress.)  Why don't we all stop being so angry?  Why don't the protesters around the country go home and get a real life.  Sitting in pathetic groups around the country eating bad food and planning violent attacks on innocent people is not really a life...!
Well...not a good life.  So for now I guess I will go and sweep the floors and weed the garden and practice my gas parking skills.... of how far to park forward of the pump.  Maybe if I painted my nails red and carried a bigger suitcase I could command more respect or maybe, just maybe.... I could just command more respect by actually............. earning it. (That's something that is really on the extinct list.)    

I AM SORRY TO SAY......I LIED..... YOU REALLY DO LOOK YOUR AGE!

A few days ago I ran into an old friend.  Okay friend is a loose term.....I ran into someone I had not seen in 25 years.  The woman called my name out and ran to me obviously excited.  I returned the greeting almost as enthusiastically the whole time thinking....who are you?  There was that initial moment of, oh you look vaguely like someone I once knew, somewhere deep inside beneath the wrinkles and short cropped hair.  While my brain was frantically processing through the files of my memory to find a match of some former acquaintance, I blurted out "Oh, you look just the same."  Really....is that the best thing I could think of to say.     She insisted I looked the same as well and we chatted superficially for a few minutes all the time I was trying to remember who this was with the bad haircut.  Suddenly it hit me.  I stood aghast!  No she did not look the same.  She looked frumpy and middle-aged.  As I walked away I thought to myself.  Why do we as humans do that?  None of us look the same.

 It seems like that is the first thing I always say when I have not seen someone for a long time.  "You look the same."  The truth is.....I am sorry to say it.....but......... you do not.  You look your age.  Some of you look a little better and some of you look a lot worse.  You are not 18 and it is near impossible to fool Mother Nature.  Find a mirror and accept the fact.  When I put on my make-up, those rare occasions trying to lure the world into thinking I am still young and beautiful ....I am forced to see my face close-up.  And, yes mother nature is winning this battle...I do not look the same.  I am 51.....and....I look 51.... and the mirror proves every year, month, day and minute of that.

 I see movie stars and famous people trying to beat the clock.....it is not working you are just spending a lot of money and you are beginning to scare us common people. (I am sorry Barbara Streisand, I love your music, abhor your politics, and think you look like an overly browned marshmallow.)  I went to my Dermatologist and he suggested he could take away my laugh lines with a few injections of Botox...really....I thought, have you seen your handiwork of puffy faced Botox victims wandering around looking more like Star Trek life forms than human beings?  Not to point fingers here like say at Dolly Parton, (who are you and will you please send us back the real Dolly we loved and laughed with...not at!),  or Kate Gosselin....(We liked you much better as just an angry mother of 8 then as the Star Wars poster child!)  And for the record I have earned every laugh line on my face....and some were not from laughing either.  No thanks to all you Dermatologist just itching to create another life form....I will keep my old face and my old body so my children and grandchildren will be able to recognize me past...oh I don't know...next week......and don't worry Meg Ryan you look the same....you have not changed a bit!!!  (Okay a little bit...okay well maybe a lot....okay maybe you are looking more like the evil smiling clown doll from poltergeist than you wanted but hey....I still love your movies and think you are talented beyond most Hollywood actresses.)

I AM AWAKE...... I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT!!!

Wake- up???  I am so tired of people saying we are the sleeping giant out there like some distorted Disney Cartoon of Jack and the beanstalk.  We are awake!!!  We just don’t know what to do.  We are running crazy driving car loads of children to baseball and ballet practice, which by the way is a whole other topic for another day.  Get involved they say.  I attend my caucus meeting and look into local tea parties.  I try to find like minded individuals who feel like I do.  People who really stand up and say enough is enough.  But where are you???  Just when I feel I have found a sisterhood with someone they tell me they support some ridiculous program that is driving our country into the ground and out of business.  We the hearth keepers of our nation are tired of being run into the ground by women who look better in business suits, have less bad hair days, (OK no bad hair days) and have learned how to make the rest of us feel worthless.  Just because you wear high heels everyday and an overabundance of lipstick does not mean you are brighter, better qualified or more awake.   I for the record am not asleep, ( I am tired and have had less sleep which could be attributing to the whole hair problem)........ but I am awake!  I want to save my country just as much as the next gal with bad hair wearing sweats but where to go….what to do….??  I promise myself I will run for office someday as soon as I lose the extra 10 pounds I am carrying around and can fit into the business suit I wore once upon a time but for now it is early out at school and I have to run to pick up my 10 year old and take him to batting practice.  Now remind me again why we have early out?

GOT QUALITY TIME???  (CAUSE HONESTLY I STILL DON'T)

What exactly is QUALITY TIME??? Isn’t that kind of an oxymoron.  How exactly do you get quality time with anyone, and what qualifies and equates quality time? What part of time is more worthy to be quality and which part is of lesser value so it can be given the heading quantity?   Is it the activity you do that makes it quality time?  Is it the amount of money you spend that makes it quality time?  I am confused.  This quaint little phrase has been circulating for quite some time now.  It’s one of those ethereal catch phrases that no one questions and everyone assumes makes perfect sense.  For the record, I am still trying to figure out what  THE HECK it means.  Call me slow or incapable of complex problems, (I did barely pass Math 110 in College) but this makes no sense at all.  I am still trying to figure out what I can do differently to create more quality time.  I am a stay at home mom.  I do homework with my children, I make home-cooked meals, I drive and pick them up to and from school, (sometimes while they do homework so I guess that disqualifies itself right there for quality time.)  We read together in the scriptures every night but I am still at a loss for how to have quality time with them.  My local PTA had t-shirts for sale targeted at dads that said,

 “How much time a father spends with their child is less important than what they do with that time." 

Before my entire brain explodes (or implodes) either is an option....does this seem like crazy incorrect hype targeted at a society failing because it lacks enough fatherly involvement or am I just insane?  (That is also an option.) When did we decide as a society that Quantity of time was not as important as the Quality of time?  Did this whole thing evolve in the politically correct revolution? And not to split hairs but don’t we all have the same amount of time every-day?  Isn’t this more of a choice of how we spend our time than a category of which time we are spending.....just saying that make my head spin!!!  Call me ridiculous but.... isn’t this just one more attempt at letting dads off the hook for spending less time with their kids.  Call me silly but the more time I spend at anything quality or quantity I just get better and better at it.  The more time I spend with my kids we just get closer and closer.  So whatever happens I hope my kids don’t find out that all this time I have just been giving them quantity time and not quality time.  So off I go now to spend some more quantity time with my kids oh and for the record I have told you to call me three times and I really did not mean it at all….it is just a cute catchy phrase like......... oh I don’t know…. “It isn’t the quantity of time you spend with your kids but the quality of time.”

 MOTHER BEARS THAT WILL NOT BEAR POLITICIANS ANYMORE!!!

Yes I have to confess I am a mother bear.  Can I say that without offending the animal rights groups who may feel like I am misrepresenting the animal kingdom? Let me qualify that I act like a mother bear.  That is much better and safer and for the record much more politically correct.   I have this instinct inside of me that would pretty much rival any brown or black bears. (I am leaving the Polar Bears out they get enough attention on all the Coke cans!!!)  Please do not think I am being racist against any particular bear color if I have left any out it was a fair and honest oversight.

 I am a keeper of the hearth.  I remember when my oldest son now 24 was openly and severely verbally offended by another boy in our neighborhood when he was 8.  It took me 10 years to get over that…okay I am still working on it but have made significant progress.  (I took that family cookies at Christmas and attended the boys wedding with gift in hand.)  On the other hand you can tell me I am fat, lazy, have bad hair,(could we get past the hair issue already) can’t cook, and am  not bright.  Honestly I can forgive you in 10 minutes.  I don’t care (well I do care a little about the hair comment and think it best we skim over that one.)  But….tell me the same thing about my children and pretty much you are on my hit list.  Which does cause me to sit and reflect why.  After much reflection and pondering I have decided....... I do not know….is it just because I am a mother?  I carried these little rugrats inside of me for nine months and counting…(we don’t want to talk about the…. "and counting part"), and pushed them out in near death experiences…..(we don’t want to talk about the pushing out part either).  You give them your life and your soul…..literally.  And then you watch them grow up every day.  They become your masterpiece your life work.  And then you send them off to school to be indoctrinated by well intentioned teachers who honestly are giving quantity of time….(Refer to former blog or don't ask!) So the question comes up?  What in the world makes any Politician think that we are going to give them our children.  You can tax us until we cannot eat or drive our cars…you can take our husbands away into the abyss of "quality of time",  but don’t mess with the kids.  

We will take you on and take you out.  You have no idea what you are dealing with.  Does the whole "wander unsuspectingly into a cave and meet a mother bear with her cubs ring any bells"?  We the true mothers…. the hearth keepers of the world will not under any circumstance let you destroy our children.  So I just have a little piece of advice for all you politicians before you kiss any more babies.  Get out of our lunch boxes, get out of our kitchens, and for heaven sakes get out of our lives.  We are watching, Well… in-between car-pools and laundry loads. … and we will not take it lying down.  We will rise up like a powerful force you have never witnessed before and we will take you on.  So if you are smart go back to the office and think about how you can spend some more quality time with your own kids.   

BIKINI WATCH ALERT!!! 

Okay….so who honestly thinks that Bikini’s are a good idea? I just got back from a trip to Puerto Rico and If you answered yes to my question you have not been to a beach, swimming pool or any other water source lately.  I kept asking myself the same question over and over.  Do these women own a mirror?  Do they have any idea of what they look like?  This question is always quickly followed by the next question.  Who told them they looked good in that bikini and are they still friends?  I have three reasons I would like to become president of the United States.  First to do away with O’bama care as quickly and expedentially as possible, second to give back 50 % of the population their self esteem by telling them they are capable good people and yes they can actually hold down a job, CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY and succeed, and third to enforce a new beach law.  Now you ask yourselves what could that new law be.  I think every beach in America (and Puerto Rico) should have a full size mirror installed that all people have to stare at themselves for at least 60 seconds before walking onto the beach.  I don’t want to offend anyone but honestly I hate looking at my own cellulite and to be forced to look at yours is really more than I can tolerate.  And for you pre-pubberisant teens walking around in little itsy bitsy bikini’s like child prostitutes, I have to ask…do you have a mother?  If the answer is yes…does she have any brain cells that are currently functioning at all?  And if she is anywhere near or aware of the chosen beachwear you are parading around in may I ask Mothers!!!!.........what are you thinking?  Do you honestly think that a child 11 or 12 years old needs a full body tan?  Do you not realize in our world full of crazy insanity and perverts that in essence you are making your sweet innocent children eye candy giving young men and old men less than lofty thought about your sweet daughter.    Sometimes I feel like a solo voice in a world gone mad…I know there are voices like mine out there with full length mirrors in hand ready to head to the beach or pool, adorning their young daughters in one piece swim suits and putting barbies in their beach bags.  And lastly I have one word to say about thong swim bottoms……cellulite.  If you do not know the meaning it means do not wear it looks really bad on you!

What Happened to Responsibility?

So who am I….I am the somewhat silent voice of the millions of mothers out there in this huge nebula of confusion.  I say somewhat silent because I have a lot to say and sometimes I speak my mind to some incredibly important people like my husband, children and a few unsuspecting victims which accidentally fall into my path.  But let’s be honest not many.  I felt now was a good time to say really how a common run of the mill American Mother  feels about well…..everything.  Everything that matters to me as I see it and as I see you ought to see it.  Now you ask what are my credentials, nothing, nothing at all that matters to the great minds of our time like Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and of course Barack O’ Bama.  I have no great scholarly degrees from Harvard and Yale.  In truth I have a Master’s in Dance Education but have spent the bulk of my adult life sweeping floors, doing laundry, and making an assortment of economy driven casseroles for a family of eight. ( and while we are on the subject of casseroles, since Michelle O’Bama is determined to tell me how to feed my children and how much to feed them, I was just curious as to her credentials of Nutrition and Health.)  But….I digress…I had the greatest education of all…well not the dance degree which I used for a total of 4 years, but the education of life.  I was a simple farm girl with two parents.  Yes we ate a lot of meat and potatoes and yes my mother packed my lunch without health inspectors.  Weird huh?  How did our parents ever raise us using their own wisdom and not having the government tell them what to feed us, how to raise us, what we should learn and what free programs to enroll us in.  Our parents must have been insane to trust themselves to such a task with such archaic knowledge.  I only wish we could go back to that era long enough for everyone to see that the whole government run your life craze isn’t really working that well…but for now I see it’s time to sweep again and check online for any new casserole recipes….anyone know Michelle O’Bama’s e-mail maybe she could send me some ideas.